ive been steeped in such absolute absurdity lately. overthinking things. overanalyzing things. being overwhelmed. overthinking being overbearing. being overly insecure due to overthinking being overbearing. there are some days, maybe one out of an entire week, when im so sure of myself. i wake up in the morning knowing its going to be my day. that day was supposed to be today. i got halfway through it feeling that way at least. i was thankful to be at work because it serves as more of a distraction than a paycheck these days. i suppose thats the reason for job #2/3. whatever number it is.
in any event, i welcome the distraction that any number of things in my daily life present. because otherwise im left thinking of him. and wondering if he thinks about me half as much as i think about him. and if hes really serious when he avers his 'optimistic attitude' about the idea of an 'us.' and i know in my head ive created some sort of reality that will probably never be, but its the way id want it. and when i actually have to pay attention to the real world, that reality makes me more sad than anything else. because really, we're both just two very busy people, in very different ways. and as much as i want to be a part of his everyday life, right now thats not really feasible, and i understand that.
so here i am. rambling. theres a shock. i should probably update this more often than i do. ill really try this time. really.